nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Randomize
