i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
