Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
