I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
