Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize