Apparently you make a good broom.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
