Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
