I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
