when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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