i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
