i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
