I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
