the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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