I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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