Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
thus making me awesome and them whores
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
