Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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