my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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