I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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