you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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