I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
