Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
