they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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