My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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