Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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