Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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