I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
