hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
