Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
