I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
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I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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