I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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