How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
