when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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