marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
