Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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