Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
