Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
