Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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