The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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