Cold hands, warm shart.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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