i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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