guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
