As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
