I think I won the penis lottery.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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