Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
