That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just google imaged poop.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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