dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
