I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
