Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
