My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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