Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
