I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
