Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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