I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
