After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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