even my farts smell like vagina
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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