Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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