I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
