brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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