last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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