sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
