So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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