Say something about gay babies.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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