I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
