Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
