Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
