I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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