how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
