Say something about gay babies.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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