Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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