i think my tv is drunk
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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