youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
