i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
